Not Today, Satan...

  I had to reward myself with not one, but two bouquets of flowers yesterday as well Krispy Kreme doughnuts today. Y'all, this week has just not been my week. I've been getting the run around from the DMV (collective gasp, I know) and have been jumping through hoops to trying to get our truck registered in Florida ("Um, you live in North Carolina", I know...). I finally talked the sheriff department into sending a deputy out to verify our VIN and mailed off the very last piece of paper required to register our vehicle for the next two years. This was where the doughnuts came into play. I earned, nay, deserved them. Plus, the boys love doughnuts. I would bore you with all of the details, but let's be honest here. You don't care about them and I don't care to recall them. So, instead ladies and gentlemen, I will recall yesterday. More specifically, our trip to Chik-Fil-A.
First, let me do a little bit of parent shaming to the parents who let total strangers sit and watch their spawn of satan children while they do literally anything but pay any attention whatsoever to said children. SHAME ON YOU. STOP THAT. Does that mean hover constantly and be 10 feet up your child's butt for the entire 18+ years they live under your reign? No. It simply means how about you pay attention to your child and I'll pay attention to mine. It also means if you refuse to pay attention to your child and he starts bullying mine, I'm going Mama Bear on his ass. I can handle rough housing, I cannot handle violence. Alrighty then, let's carry on.
As is the case with any intelligent parent I made my children eat before playing in the play area. There is science behind this. You see, a child who is full will not run as fast or act as crazy as a child with an empty, or even half full, stomach. I don't have an exact scientific breakdown, but everyone knows this to be true. Go google it or something. I was not fortunate enough to be blessed with equally intelligent company yesterday. Now, I may joke often, calling my boys heathens and savages, but there were some children yesterday who truly embodied the meaning of the word savage.
As my 2 and 3 year old were running about with the 15 other kids, minimum, in the play area I would play on my phone while listening for my kids' VERY noticeable piercing shrieks, should any innocent playing go awry.
Instead of shrieking, I looked up at the perfect time to see a girl of at least 4 pulling, hard, on Ayden's sweatshirt hood while he struggled toward me, gasping. Um, NO. So I calmy asked her to stop, 3 times. After she finally let go, Ayden turned around and managed a "Sorry" to the girl.  (Poor kid, that's not how it works! Haha...)This happened once more, by a different kid. Aside from my own children, I saw many being pushed, slapped, toys taken away, faces shoved into that little see-through tire in the cow car- you know the one- but, if there's no blood or broken bones, I stick to the "not my kid, not my business" rule that has served me well for the last almost 4 years of being a parent.
Beau did scrambled down from the back of the play area whimpering a few times, but I don't pay much attention to his crying unless it's severe since, honestly, Beau is a wuss not capable of tolerating as much rough housing as Ayden. After being the only parent to watch any of these many children for over an hour, I decided I had had enough. It was time to go, but not before a bestowing a parting gift to the many lovely parents chatting away, completely freaking oblivious to their magical little children. As I hurriedly put the boys boots and coats on, I was about to walk out the door when I swiftly turned and yelled "HEY, WHO WANTS SOME ICE CREAM?!? *hurry up, boys. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry*." We made it out of that stampede only slightly better than Simba made it out of his. If you are sitting here, reading this, thinking to yourself "what a douchebag!", I'll own it. I don't care in the slightest.. Life Lesson: don't leave strangers to watch your innocent young masses. My kids>your kids.
Now, I have a lovely new issue of Southern Living to lust over, so go and enjoy the beginning to your weekend!