Being married going on 5 years this year, I have to confess
that I have been incredibly blessed in that my husband hasn’t deployed yet. I
know, groan and grumble about how “lucky” we are, but before you start that
little unnecessary competition in your head, let me just stop you right there.
We’re all in this together. We all will eventually go through the same things
and we need to support one another (I’ll be posting about this EXACT issue that
I’m very passionate about eventually, so BRACE YOURSLEVES fellow S/O’s. That
rant and rave is long overdue). That being said, he was in flight school for 4
solid years. In the time we have been together, he averages about 2 weeks of
vacation per year that is typically all taken in one big chunk for Christmas
vacation, sparing a day or two for Thanksgiving. This is a huge leap from the
60 days vacation per year promised. I am used to this schedule by now but I
have to admit I dream of days when he’ll have freshly retired and we can sit on
a porch swing, sipping our coffee, waiting to hear from the boys at their
successful, seven figure salary jobs but that will never happen. My old man
will work himself to death; a rightfully admirable, but somewhat annoying,
trait he earned from his late granddaddy, Bud.
In addition to being a Marine, he is also a pilot (as I briefly
mentioned in the introduction) of the MV-22 aka Osprey. Flight school is no
joke, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve seen this dude lose so much sleep over tests
where he had one incorrect answer or days when he justly questioned an instructor
who was in the wrong only to be chewed out and have said instructor lower his
marks on the graded flight. This ain’t your average rodeo and he managed to
pass with flying colors – what I did there, do you see it?-. He is currently
beginning his strenuous deployment training, something we obviously haven't yet endured.
I don’t know if this is simply a military thing, or if it varies by individual,
but he’s been itching to get out and fly with the big boys in the heat of combat.
I mean, I’ve just recently watched ‘American Sniper’ so obviously I’m
internally FREAKING OUT. The great thing about having a husband so intensely
devoted to doing things the right way
the first time is knowing that usually when he DID have issues in flight school
it was usually because he questioned rules and regulations that were either
outdated or just 100% incorrect. He’s been the reason for a few NATOPs changes,
no big deal (could I humblebrag anymore? Absolutely, yes. Just wait).
While I’m SO proud of my husband, I get a little aggravated
with him from time to time. This adult man, an individual whose job fully relies on
communication with the ground and every single person around him is like a
freaking chamber of secrets (what up, fellow fangirls) when it comes to
communicating with his beloved wife. This was an issue we struggled with for a
while, because if there is anything I- lover of words and definitions and what
have you- hate, it’s a one letter, super short textual response or 27 second
phone call. So after enduring almost 5
years of this, 5 YEARS Y’ALL, I finally figured out a way to get a just little
more.
I used to be big on writing disgustingly sappy, motivational
love notes on the daily back when we were a baby couple. I would leave them
everywhere. I’d hide them in his lunch box, in his flight bag, his truck, his
coat pockets, EVERYWHERE. I love making him feel loved. Eventually, I spent
less time writing him these notes and more time doing other things. I think
that was due mostly in part because he never made a mention on his feelings about
them or wrote back, so I figured they went unappreciated. *Kanye shrug*. In the last year, I set a goal to start
leaving love notes again, because it was something I had genuinely enjoyed;
showing someone how much you care in a very nearly creepy way. Ha. But to be
serious for a brief moment, who doesn’t want a quick confirmation of their
spouse’s love before they leave for the day? Um, the Grinch.
When we moved here to NC, I started leaving pages pretty
regularly. I know his routines like the back of my hand. He’s very much a
creature of habit. He loves stability. The first thing he does when he goes
downstairs is make a beeline to our Keurig to get one of his 2 varieties of
coffee. Since this is a morning step that is NEVER skipped, I know this is the
best place to leave scribbles on one of the 73 million small legal pads I
bought from Sam’s club in bulk. Lately, I’ve been trying to leave at least one
compliment about him as a person in between the declarations of my undying love. If you start your day out confidently, it can
make a positive impact on your outlook for the entire day. This, in turn, can
impact the day of everyone around you. At least this is my personal belief;
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or psychologist. Between you and me (and all
of my husband’s coworkers/colleagues), he has been described as “abrasive”, “a
real dick” and an “ a**hole” on numerous
occasions. If something I write to him in the morning can potentially alleviate a little
stress causing this abrasiveness, then *go me*.
It was more or less immediately after beginning to leave the
notes again that I actually started receiving letters in response! This was
huge for me. He’s not typically a sentimental guy, he’s not terribly romantic,
and his aforementioned communications skills were, again…practically nonexistent.
This brought about a change in our marriage. A small change, but a change
nonetheless. This is a man whose love language is acts of service; he sees an
act such as cleaning a messy kitchen, paying a bill, or cooking him dinner as
an expression of love. I am a physical touch type of gal, myself. I believe we
have found a great middle ground with our words. While I am not exactly OCD
when it comes to cleaning my home and he isn’t really the “Let’s-go-make-sweet,-sweet-love-then-cuddle-viciously”
type. We are both working on that for each other. Regardless of what our love
languages or personality types are I appreciate and utterly adore that he takes the
time to reciprocate. It has become my favorite part of the morning to walk
downstairs, giddy with anticipation, to see what lovely parting sentiment I was
left with. I strongly encourage you to try this with you current S/O or future
S/O.
Do you and your partner have a disgustingly cute way to show
your love to one another? Tell us, tell us!
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