Big Changes! The Beginning...

One month ago, today, I gathered up what little courage I had and walked into the little crossfit gym down the street from my house. I had been pinteresting, googling, and instagramming all the ladies of crossfit; ogling shamelessly. ‘Mirin. I wondered what it took for these incredible women with rock hard bodies to get to where they were on their journeys (I am OBSESSED with Christmas Abbott, Lauren Fisher, and Julie Foucher. Amazing women!).

I lifted all throughout high school. I did a workout very similar to that of a typical day in crossfit, thanks to our knowledgeable teachers/coaches- Mr. Schavetello and Mr. Motz. Working under them, I managed to lose a lot of weight that had previously left me super self conscious (although I wouldn’t be able to tell till I got pregnant later and saw old photos of myself, crazy how the mind plays tricks on you). I gained a basic understanding of what it took to be strong, but never got to where I wanted to be. Mostly because I was lazy and didn't want to fully exert myself. I also still ate garbage. A LOT of garbage.

Fast forward to after my second kid and I was lazy, complacent, and- most depressingly- weak. Unbearably weak. I worked out for a few months, consistently. Two hours a night. Every night. Again, there were results, but I didn’t acknowledge them as “being enough”. We moved to Texas, where I had no friends and no motivation. I was depressed and alone for the majority of the time. I used baking and eating as a coping mechanism, as I had for years. I thought my husband was a dick whenever he would bring up my weight, which only pushed me further down the rabbit hole. I know, it’s funny how easy it was for me to rationalize his concern as “being a dick”. If only I hadn’t been so sensitive and actually listened! I could be so much further along with my progress by now.

Here’s the issue with me: I made excuses. Why? Because making excuses was easier than actually getting off my lazy butt and putting forth the effort to better myself. It was easier to binge eat and watch Netflix for countless hours than to get out and actually TRY. I could make excuses all day -I was depressed, I was alone, it was too hard, I didn’t think we could afford it, I would work out when we move again and have a better, more set routine, I can’t because I have no one to watch the boys, I can’t put them in daycare because I don’t trust anyone -I could go on and on.

Suddenly we had moved. Even more suddenly, my oldest was in PreK and I had decided to socialize my youngest by putting him in my good friend’s in-home daycare on base. We had paid off a couple of student loans for my husband when we were in Texas, so we could now afford more. Literally every single excuse was gone. My husband deployed a short while ago- two months now, actually- so I decided now or never. It started out with researching boxes in town, checking prices, figuring out times, looking up reviews, creeping on instagrams, and suddenly I found myself balking again. I was making more excuses. So I did what I hadn’t wanted to do. I wasn't telling my husband I was joining a box because “I wanted to surprise him”, in other words, I wanted an out just in case I decided to quit. Instead, I made myself tell him one afternoon. He was thrilled. He was actually supportive (yet another reason I hadn’t wanted to mention it, I was scared he would say “you can’t do that” like the few people I had mentioned it to). He would ask every day, “Did you check it out yet?”, nope, didn’t have time, maybe tomorrow? It went on like that until he finally got mad and said he didn’t think I was going to follow through. That pushed me into sending an email to the owner of the box down the street saying “SEE YOU MONDAY, BRO” (clearly, that’s paraphrased).

Monday morning, I was a nervous wreck. My stomach was turning. I got up early because I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat any breakfast- BIG MISTAKE- and I was sweating bullets. I got the boys ready, dropped off my youngest, then went to drop off my oldest, and finally pulled into the little parking lot of the box that overlooked the busy road through town.

I gave myself a pep talk, not unlike the kind when I have already put on the wax strip for my eyebrows and have zero desire to rip that bad boy off. The first step was to open the door. Check. Shut the door. Good, keep going. I got to the door and saw a puppy. That was it. This was my place. I opened the door and exchanged a mildly awkward greeting with the owner and everyone there. As far as first days and workouts go, that was by far my worst. The other three members were quiet and had a stoic look about them. I was immediately intimidated. Nerves, and lack of breakfast, got to me not even 20 minutes into the freaking warm-up. I got lightheaded and nauseous and had to run to the bathroom. Utterly embarrassed, I finished the workout pretty defeated. The owner looked skeptical as we finished up, with everyone else chatting while I stood there awkwardly. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t expecting me to come back, but when he asked if I thought I might be interested I said “ Absolutely. I’ve never worked out that hard by myself, and I need to get my ass kicked so...here’s my card.” He looked completely shocked, haha.

Each time I go, I feel a little more confident and a little less intimidated. The people are so nice (who knew anyone was grumpy at 9 in the morning?!) despite the slightly terrifying first day. In the short amount of time I have been at this box, I have found that everything I have read about the strong sense of community is absolutely legit. Everyone is there with the same goal- to get better than they were the day before. There is no competeing against the person next to you, only with your previous bests. I can’t begin to describe how much I enjoy getting to be miserable with these people, three days a week. I’m beyond excited to grow in this community and see where it takes me; hopefully to personal bests I never could have dreamed of. I’m slowly but surely learning the lingo and feeling a million times better after each workout. I love the soreness because I earned it! I’m probably going to become one of those people who preach crossfit to everyone, and for good reason. It’s absolutely incredible for the body AND the mind.

Ok, then. I’ll step off my little soapbox, I just had to write about this super positive experience I’ve had so far in this one short month. If you’re one of those people who has been on the fence about it- GO. JOIN. NOW. It’s the best thing you could do for yourself. I promise.